A Special Day

Apologies for the extended hiatus from blogging but if there is any day worthy of a new post it would
be today. Today marks 16 years or marriage-- but perhaps more importantly, it marks just over 5 years since Kim entered remission -- so that makes this anniversary extra special. In celebration of this day I thought it would be appropriate to share a “God story” about one of my favorite pictures of us.

The picture below was taken in June of 2011 on Kaanapali Beach in Maui. It was our 10 year anniversary and we had returned to the exact same spot of our honeymoon.  As we walked that sandy beach, basking in a glorious sunset, our hearts were so full. Little did we know that Kim had a tumor growing in her chest.

Kaanapali Beach, Maui (June 7, 2011)

Seven months later we found ourselves in the ER, due to a persistent cough and stomach pains. Kim stayed overnight for a battery of tests with a gastroenterologist and the next morning when I saw her she had just awakened from being sedated.

She was weeping. Uncontrollably. 

We were both mystified as to why she was so emotional. We thought we were just dealing with an ulcer. In our minds, we'd get some meds and get back home to our three young kids. 

When she finally gathered herself, she said she had this vivid dream when she went under. She dreamed that we were walking on a beach, hand in hand, watching the sunset. She dreamed of the exact moment captured in this picture. The next day we discovered she was in stage 4 of a rare and aggressive form of lymphoma -- and that story is well-documented in this blog.

However, what I've never shared before is that a year later we went back to that same hospital for a checkup and this time a different doctor greeted us. Although we had never met before, it was obvious he knew who Kim was.  He began telling us about how when Kim first checked in a year earlier, the medical staff had no idea what they were dealing with. After she went under, they tried to look into her stomach with a scope and in his words, she immediately began to “wig out”. 

They almost lost her.

By the look on our faces, he immediately realized that he had shared too much. He got quiet and quickly left the room. He didn’t know that we didn't know -- she was only inches away from death that day. 

Suddenly, it all began to make sense...

Why all the gastro doctors knew who she was. 

Why she was weeping when she woke up that day. 

Why she had a vision of that beautiful sunset evening.

We had no idea when she lying down for some tests she was actually standing on the edge of eternity. I love that when we were so close to being separated -- her heart went towards us. 

But most of all, I love this pic because the sun is centered right between us and we are both gazing and walking towards it. 

I hope each new day on earth would be seen as a gift from heaven. 
I hope our remaining moments are spent walking hand-in-hand towards Jesus. 
I hope that He would always be the center of our souls and the light of our lives. 
I hope our union with each other would be defined by the love of Christ -- until our union with him is complete.

Here's to five years of remission. 

Here's to sixteen years of marriage. 

Here's to an eternity with the One who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Love you...always and forever. 

Peter

Echoes of Eden

Hello. Is it just me or does this somber song of self-reflection remind you of our universal groaning for redemption and the nostalgia of an incredibly powerful lost love? God has put "eternity in our hearts" and He is hell-bent on winning us back to Himself.

God is Good

What does it mean when a Christian says, "God is good'? Can't speak for everyone but for me it's not just a public declaration but a private reminder that....
...every good thing in my life, comes directly from Him, so be grateful.
...if He did not withhold His own Son from me, why would He withhold any other good gift, so be logical.
...He is always working for my good, regardless of my present circumstances, so be faithful.
...if I choose to reject God in this life, I am choosing to be separated from all that is good for an eternity, so be rational.
...when I am not good, He is still good, so love unconditionally.

Needed this reminder especially today -- in the wake of my beloved Cardinals loss. smile emoticon

God is good.

Ode to My Grandmother

I gave my first eulogy ever last Sunday before we buried the beloved spiritual matriarch of

our family, my grandmother Kyung Hee Cho. I wasn't planning on posting it but at the behest of a couple people I thought it might be encouraging to anyone who finds themselves discouraged when life does not go according to plan. Though our plans may fail, God's plan can never be frustrated. His is a good plan for those who know and love Him, because He is a good God. 

Good evening. Thank you for joining us to celebrate the life of my grandmother. Before I begin, I’d like to read two verses from 2 Timothy which I think capture her life and legacy so well:

2 Timothy 1:5  “I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”

 2 Timothy 4:5 “As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”

My grandmother’s first name was Kyung Hee. But if she ever took an English name, I think “Lois” would have fit her well.  We don’t know much about “Lois” in the Bible, as this is the only time she is ever mentioned; likewise not many people have probably heard of my grandmother: Cho, Kyung Hee. Though, she lived to the remarkable age of 92, most would likely deem her life rather unremarkable -- at least by the world’s standards. She never amassed much in the way of wealth, never gained much in the way of titles; never even collected a university degree. But it’s truly an honor to call her my grandmother and to stand before you and share her story, because it is impossible to tell her story without telling God’s story. They both loved each other so much.

If I had to describe my grandmother I think I’d only need three words: Frugal. Funny. Faithful. 

Losing My Job...and Never Been Happier

After 16 years with the company, I'm losing my job --- and I've never been happier. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love my job and the people I get to work with every day. I know it's popular to bash large corporations today but how many companies would:

1. Pay for your continued education (MBA - books included) with no strings attached?

2. Grant you 8 months of leave and hold your job while you cared for your sick wife?

3. Help you galvanize a bone marrow registration effort company-wide to save lives? 

4. Allow you to work from home once a week so you can mantain a healthy work/life balance?

This one. I count it a privilege to have worked at one of the greatest companies and some of the smartest people in the world. But my job does not define me. My God does. As some of you may know, I have been in the process of writing a book on marriage and the gospel (some of which I have put on this blog), going on four years now and to date it's about 80% complete. I began in earnest when Kim was sick with cancer and have labored with starts and stops in between. This past New Year's Day my only resolution (and promise to God) was to complete this project but truth be told I still found it difficult to make progress given my busy work schedule, three kids, etc. 

So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that GE Capital was selling off virtually all of their businesses and Commercial Real Estate would be the first to go. I was shocked but not shaken. While the world might see this as an unfortunate turn of events I see it as a great blessing because it completely frees up my schedule to finish the book. I will be getting paid to essentially do nothing until early next year. God has removed the last of my excuses -- a lack of time.

Seeing Jesus in a Donkey: Blessings and Curses

Now that I've got your attention please allow me to explain my blog post title....

I had the great privilege of giving the Sunday sermon at my home church yesterday from Numbers 22-24 which covered Balaam and his donkey (i.e. "ass"). Since I didn't have much time to prepare I recycled an old sermon that I have given a few times before at various churches. It's actually part sermon/part personal testimony of how God has taken some of the greatest "curses" in my life, like my wife's cancer, and transformed it into a myriad of incredible blessings and how this dynamic is true for all believers. So, if you are in a difficult place and find yourself questioning the goodness of God in the hardness of life - please take a listen and be reminded again of what the message of the gospel really is and what it means for you today and for your future. God is in control - even when we are not. God is good - even when we are not. God is always working for the good - even if we (or others) are not.

You can listen by using the embedded MP3 player below, or you can find the archived sermon HERE or MP3 link HERE, if you'd rather download the file into your iPod/iPhone and listen later.

The Jewish Moral Law and the Gospel of Christ

There are many moral laws in the first five books of the Bible (i.e. the Pentateuch, the Books of Moses, the Torah) which many people, even Christians, find confusing and others often mock as proof that the Bible is an antiquated book with little relevance to me today. This is probably best exemplified in an open letter written to Dr. Laura Schelssinger a few years ago posted below. Schelssinger is a radio personality who gives advice to those who call her radio show and this satirical letter was posted on the internet in response to her quoting Leviticus 18:22 and condemning homosexuality as an abomination. 

Dear Dr. Laura: 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.  I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.  When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.  End of debate.  I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1.  When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord—Leviticus 1:9.  The problem is my neighbors.  They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.  Should I smite them?

2.  I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3.  I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness—Leviticus 15:19-24.  The problem is, how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take offence. 

4.  Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.  Can you clarify?  Why can't I own Canadians?

5.  I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.  Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6.  A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination—Leviticus 11:10—it  is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.  I don't agree.  Can you settle this?

7.  Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8.  Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27.  How should they die?

While I give the writer of this letter points for creativity, wit and humor, it is misguided for several reasons. One, it completely ignores the context in which these laws were written. The Bible is not a code of moral ethics by which people curry favor from an insatiable and insecure deity. It's ultimately a story, written by and about a God who loves us and who is pursuing a relationship with us which has been broken and initiating that restoration through His Son. 

Life, Death and the Glory of God

I want to share a quick story on the sovereignty and goodness of God in the midst of aching trials. When Kim was sick with cancer, we were served by some wonderful people. One of the best was our friend Jen (and her husband Rob) Stotz. She was truly a blessing to us -- constantly praying for us and greeting us with that positive attitude and infectious smile of hers. We were more than happy to partially return the favor this past year after we heard that her brother Bob was stricken with cancer and battling for his life. I did not know Bob personally but followed his journey of faith and suffering. He struck me as a godly man with a beautiful young family who loved to serve the "least of these" as proven by his dedication as a pediatric surgeon and his heart for medical missions.

Well, long (and tragic) story short -- Bob passed away last week after fighting to the end. The grace he and his sister Jen displayed through all of it is truly a testimony to the indescribable hope and peace we have in Christ. Though the outcome was not what we had hoped for, I know God was glorified by their faith. I share this because last night we got a message from Jen. Apparently, as soon as she got home from her brother's funeral a letter was waiting for her. It was from Be the Match and she was notified that she is a possible match for someone with cancer in need of a bone marrow transplant.

Jen wanted us to know since she registered when Kim was sick in 2012 when we were trying to get the word out for everyone to sign up. Only God could have orchestrated the timing of all these events. Obviously, the outcomes were very different for Kim and Bob and frankly it's something we don't understand ourselves, but one thing remains the same: GOD. God is good. God is sovereign and God is near to the broken-hearted.

p.s. If you haven't done so already please visit bethematch.org and register to be a donor. It's as simple as mailing in a cheek swab.

Peter

Faith, Hope and LOVE

I ran across this "spoken word" poem from a very talented artist named Janette...ikz about 4 years ago.  Her poem was entitled "I Will Wait For You" and it's an honest look at the disappointments in seeking a soul mate but finding satisfaction in the one who created her soul. I remember listening to this and thinking "she gets it".  Though she learned some tough lessons in dating the best thing she learned was that ultimate love can only be ultimately measured by and found in the One who is love -- Jesus Christ.


Well, I was happy to find another video from her this week. Apparently, she waited in hope for that man and she got married recently and recorded her vows. I'm so glad that her faith was rewarded on earth as it yet will be in heaven. God has granted her a Prince Charming for her time on earth but a greater Prince awaits her in heaven and she has not lost sight of that greater hope and promise.


I pray that my little girl gives her first and greatest love to the only man that can never disappoint her. Not her boyfriend. Not even me, her father. But the one who made her and loves her more than He loves himself. I hope she sees that the marriage vows she makes before her husband one day are only a picture of the covenant vows that Jesus has already made to her so that her struggle to keep her promise will be strengthened by Christ's promise to always keep His (Rom 8:38-39). I pray that she will find herself whole and complete not in an earthly man, but in the perfect God-man who provides a lasting "shalom" (wholeness, peace) and a perfect (complete) love.

'Til Death Do Us Part

I find it fascinating that this is the most popular movie currently in Korea...

South Korea has by far the highest rate of cosmetic surgeries in the world. Yet even a country capable of such shallow superficiality finds itself enamored with the beauty of a love that endures "until death do us part". Maybe we are drawn to stories like this because there is a higher love our souls long for and a greater love that even death cannot separate.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39 

The Gospel Marriage: Conflict, Reconciliation and God's Glory

This is a continuation of a series on how God created marriage to be living picture of the gospel to make us more like Christ and as a witness to the world for the glory of God. We looked at this in terms of how God designed marriage to be a COVENANT similar to Christ’s covenant to us. And we looked at this in terms of HEADSHIP and how God designed the husband to be the servant leader of the home as Christ is servant leader of the Church. In this post we will look at marriage in terms of RECONCILIATION and how God designed both the conflict and reconciliation found in marriage to be a profound picture of Christ’s reconciliation of the Church.  So let’s start with a video. WARNING: some foul language.

If you find any humor in the video above, it’s probably because you’ve “been there”.   The English writer, G.K. Chesterton once said “Marriage is an adventure….like going to war.”  While actor Gary Busey observed, “Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.”  Sad, but often true. 

marriage counseling anyone?

Power Tools (A Man's Best Friend)

What is it about men and power tools? Why do we love them so? My theory is that power tools make men feel like pee-pee.  Ummm...not that kind of pee-pee! But "P" as in Practical and "P" as in Powerful. Practical: Because you can accomplish tasks at a fraction of the time and energy of manual tools. Powerful: Because they make you feel drunk with power as you rip through large pieces of wood like a hot knife through butter. Plus - they make loud noises too! Yeah!

I was going to get into the flooring and framing but I think this is a good point to talk about tools. Having the right tools make all the difference in the world. That said, tools are not cheap and power tools are definitely not cheap but if you are buying tools that you know you’ll be using again you do sleep better knowing it was money well spent. I have been blessed enough to live by neighbors that are both generous and have lots of cool tools (great combination!). As with most things you buy, you have to find that happy medium between cost and value and with power tools it’s no different. There are a wide range of opinions on which brand you should buy and while I'm sure some would disagree but based on my amateur opinion, if I had to put brands in a general order of quality I’d probably order it something like this: Dewalt, Bosch, Makita, Hitachi, Craftsman, Black & Decker, Skil, Tool Shop (whatever Chinese brand Harbor Tool Shop is carrying). I'm sure I've left off a few quality brands and the list may vary depending on the tool in question but this is just off the cuff so don’t hold me to it. So let’s start with one of the most basic power tools:

Treehouse Project: The Beams and Platform

Patent Pending #0257648891535

In case you missed it, see previous post on why I am building a treehouse HERE. To prove that anyone can build a treehouse I have posted a picture of the only other woodworking project I have completed in my entire life. About 5 years ago I needed a stand for my printer in my office so I built one from scratch. Not to brag, but while I've gone through multiple printers (e.g. Canon, HP, Brother) this stand has outlasted all of them. I’m sure your first thought was “This is most assuredly the workmanship of a skilled Amish craftsman!” I forgive you. 

I share this all in jest of course because who attempts to build a treehouse after building a printer stand like that? I didn’t know where to start so I did quite a bit of research on the interwebs but full disclosure my primary resource in guiding me through this project has been this book (Amazon link HERE). It’s pretty simple read with lots of pics (who doesn't like pics?) but it covers a lot of things you may run into and stresses important things one might overlook. It also contains a lot of creative ideas  - which is the fun part! I highly recommend it as a basic guide. Lastly, my advice to anyone attempting to build a treehouse is “plan ahead but expect the unexpected and be flexible”.  Every tree and treehouse is different, and almost nothing goes exactly as planned so get ready to use your power drill clockwise (to assemble) and counterclockwise (to undo mistakes).

The Beams, Wood and Hardware

So the most important part of a treehouse are the beams. You cannot skimp on this part because this is what will be bearing the weight of your house (and your children!) and so it must be done right. As Jesus said, it’s better to build on rock than sand or the house will come tumbling down (i.e. your foundation matters!). I decided to go with two 2’x6’ beams on each side of the tree. The two oak trees I was securing the beams on are about 7 feet apart. If the beams were spanning much more than that I would have went with 2’x8’ beams but combining two pieces of wood is much stronger than going with one thicker piece (4’x6’) because two distinct cuts of lumber will have varying weak spots making the combined piece stronger overall. Yes, King Solomon was right when he said: Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Eccl 4:12) The two pieces are secured by 4" galvanized carriage bolts secured with washer and nut on the other side (single bolt on right).  Don't skimp and not get galvanized. This is a non-negotiable. You don’t want water rusting your bolts over time and your structure is only as strong as the bolts holding them. For the screws I went with two ½” thick by 7 inch long galvanized lag screws and washers on each side for attaching the main beams to the trunks. This would ensure that even after going through the two pieces of wood there would be a good 3-4 inches embedded into the hardwood of that solid oak tree. 

The Gospel Treehouse (and other DIY thoughts)

So for those that did not know - we bought a bank foreclosure last winter out in “the country”. We weren't in the market for a new home but had been thinking it would be nice to have more room and an actual yard especially since we home-schooled and would utilize a home and yard more than most families. Well, last October we were at Kim’s sister’s place and we spent the night in their home out in the country. My brother-in-law Kurt is an amazing landscaper and arborist and they have a beautiful home that forces you to unwind and appreciate God’s creative beauty and so the whole family has always enjoyed visiting them. I’ve posted a pic below of their place so you don’t have to use your imagination.

Anyways, despite the peaceful setting, I woke up at 2am that night in their home and couldn’t fall back asleep so I opened up my iPad and perused through Zillow to assuage my boredom. Long story short, I happened upon a listing for a bank foreclosure that was only two miles from their home that made quite an impression on me – especially at the listed price. So at the break of dawn I whisked over there and walked around the outside (i.e. the inside was locked up) and I must say I instantly fell in love. The pictures did not do it justice. After some prayer on whether we should move forward, a hot and heavy multiple bidding process ensued but God graciously provided and we moved in during polar vortex #2 (or was it #3?). The home is far more than we could have ever dreamed of – especially considering we lived in a small townhome for 9 years prior with no yard. It’s a bit of a shocker to go from managing one small hanging plant on our back deck to managing 2+ acres and a private pond but who am I to complain….God is good!

If Dads Only Knew...

Who would have thought that a Dove commercial would inspire me to write a poem? In honor of the upcoming Father's Day....

If Dads Only Knew....

If dads only knew the power they possess,
To inspire a child's heart and to bring out their best.

If dads only knew that it's not gifts of great privilege,
But his talks and his touches that shape a self-image.

If dads only knew that a child's "God" perception,
Is formed by modeling our Father in Heaven.

If dads only knew the dark forces against him.
You take down the family. You take down a nation.

If dads only knew that they're just stewards from birth,
Of what belongs to God only and what belonged to Him first.

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" -1 John 3:1

THE GOSPEL MARRIAGE: Headship, Submission and Marriage Roles

Happy 13th Anniversary to the love of my life! In honor of this, I'm posting on the controversial topic of marriage roles and what the Oscar’s, Dancing with the Stars, and Homer Simpson have to do with marriage, the gospel and the glory of God. This is a continuation of a series on marriage and the gospel and how God created both for our good and for His glory. Please see previous entries here. 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With three young children I don’t have a lot of time to watch movies so I often use the Oscars as a litmus test to deem what might be worthy of my time and money.  When a film wins Best Picture and Best Actor or Best Supporting Actor/Actress I feel confident it’s worth watching not only because I know it tells a great story but those chosen to tell the story tell it well.  That said, one of my all-time favorite movies is Glory. Not only is the historical narrative of a black Civil War regiment so powerful but Matthew Broderick and supporting actors Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington give incredible performances and complement each other so well. I’ve realized in every good film each actor has a distinct role whether it is the lead, supporting or other, and the story is best told when each actor/actress embraces their unique role with excellence to propel the story which is the biggest star. In short, the glory is the story.

So what does all this have to do with marriage? Well, just as in every great film or story a director or author chooses different characters to play a unique role I believe the same is true of God and marriage. It may have little to do with who is better fitted or who deserves a certain role and more to do with honoring the role the Producer/Director (God Himself) has given. At the end of the day, it’s not about the actors – it’s about the story and no one loves telling stories more than God (author of best-selling book of all time) and just as He has chosen certain men and women in the Bible to display his glory by telling His story I believe He has also given every husband and wife that same privilege through His creation of marriage. So what are our God-given roles and what is the God-given story? Ephesians 5 tells us:  

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. -Ephesians 5:22-25

These verses usually trigger a visceral reaction from people and are often criticized as old-fashioned at best and misogynistic at worst but embracing these roles has nothing to do with preserving a tradition and everything to do with proclaiming a truth. When the husband assumes his role of Christ in the marriage serving his wife through humble leadership and sacrifice and when the wife assumes her role of the Church volitionally supporting her husband’s leadership the world witnesses the wisdom and beauty of God’s design.  These verses are far more than Paul dispensing practical marriage advice.  He is describing God-given roles for a God-given purpose to tell a God-given story -- the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  As difficult as it may be there are practical implications when marriage is done God’s way. I am convinced that the added benefit is that when each embraces their respective role marriages are generally happier and healthier. Husbands feel honored and respected and wives feel loved and cherished. God has done this both for His glory and for our good.

Unfortunately, we now live in a world that mocks our differences and unique roles and sadly much of this criticism is well-deserved. With more fatherless homes than ever, men have often failed miserably (myself included) to love and lead their wives and families as Christ loves the Church and so what we now have as cultural symbols for husbands are bumbling idiots like Al Bundy, Peter Griffin, Homer Simpson, etc.  Sadly, sometimes “Christian” husbands are the worst. Kent Hughes says it well:

“God’s Word in the hands of a religious fool can do immense harm. I have seen “couch potatoes” who order their wives and children around like the grand sultan of Morocco – adulterous misogynists with the domestic ethics of “Jabba the Hut” who cow their wives around with Bible verses about submission – insecure men whose wives do not dare go to the grocery without permission, who even tell their wives how to dress. But the fact that evil, disordered men have perverted God’s Word is no reason to throw it out.” –Kent Hughes in Ephesians

Let’s face it – men have a sinful bent for being selfish and proud and have generally failed to love and lead. Look no further than the Garden of Eden and notice Adam’s conspicuous absence in Eve’s encounter with the serpent.  Perhaps in response to this failure, women are now encouraged to live a life completely independent of a man with little desire to respect or yield to anyone else as a leader of the household. Couple this with a wives sinful bent to rule over her husband (which also originated at the Garden of Eden (Gen  3:16b) and it’s no wonder why it’s so difficult to find a gospel picture in marriages the way God intended.

However, imagine a gentle husband who loves his wife so much that he constantly puts her needs before his own – even his very life; a man who leads her, not by invoking his sacred authority for his own selfish gain or to stroke his fragile ego, but by serving and protecting her with humility, strength and courage. Now imagine a beautiful bride who willingly sets aside her own selfish desires to control or manipulate and volitionally yields herself to this loving husband by choosing to respect and honor him and by yielding to his humble servant leadership. While the controversial topic tends to generate more heat than light in the Church, I am convinced that this type of union and dynamic between a husband and the wife is one of the most profound real-life pictures of the gospel.  

What is Biblical Submission?

These are hard words. So how are we to understand submission in the context of Scripture and within the context of my life? The apostle Paul tells us:

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. -1 Corinthians 11:3

The first thing one should notice from this verse is that no one escapes the calling to submit. Not women (who are to submit to their husbands). Not men (who are to submit to Christ). Not even Christ himself (who submits to God the Father).  And so the moment a Christian (man or woman) claims they are above “submission” they imply they are above Christ Himself who joyfully submitted to the will and authority of the Father.  The beauty of all this is that in Christ we see perfect examples for both the husband and wife to follow.  

The word “submission” admittedly has become an ugly term in today’s vernacular but as defined and demonstrated by God it is a beautiful thing. Because our culture has so distorted its biblical definition in some ways it’s easier to define by describing what it is not: submission is not a blind obedience to power. It does not forfeit your God-given personality or marginalize a voice or an opinion. It does not excuse or tolerate abuse of power nor is it a sign of inferiority or weakness. Rather, it is quite the opposite because it takes great strength to submit –supernatural strength at times.  

NOT...biblical submission.

Biblical submission is not about one member forcing their will upon the other like a wrestler executing a crippling hold. The beauty and power of biblical submission is that the one who submits does it completely on their own volition and by their own will.  Jesus modeled this in His own prayers when he taught the disciples to pray “thy [the Fathers’s] will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” And perhaps the greatest test of this prayer and it's most seminal moment came in the crush of Gethsemane (Mt 26:39) where with blood, sweat and tears Jesus prayed, “…not my will, but your will.” His arm was not twisted by the Father. His was a unilateral yielding of his own volition by faith. We are all called to this type of biblical submission; just as Christ submitted to the Father - husbands are called to submit to Christ and wives to their husbands as they submit to Christ. In obeying this command by faith we are being like Christ….for Christ. We are modeling Jesus’ beautiful submission to the Father to our spouse, our children, and to a watching world for the glory of Jesus.  

What is Biblical Love?

This one is much easier to define and yet much harder to execute. Biblical love is not a touchy-feely, uncommitted whimsical selfish love. It is a self-sacrificing (1 Jn 3:16), life-long, covenant-bound love. It is a love as pictured by the life and death of Jesus and as defined by His Word. As 1 Corinthians 13 states it is a love that is “patient and kind – not envious, boastful, arrogant or rude”. Husbands are called to lead with this kind of love, and in the same way his leadership should not “insist on his on his own way” or be “irritable or resentful” if or when the wife disagrees with him. This is the love and leadership Jesus himself modeled.  

I saw a recent video of Bubba Watson after he won this year's Masters. Two minutes into the interview Bubba begins to talk about life, his faith and the Christ-like role model he tries to play for his family which I found so refreshing and which I believe captures the spirit of the role God calls fathers and husbands to assume.

With that said, I have intentionally refrained from providing specific examples of what these marriage roles might look like in more narrow terms because I believe it may look different for every marriage as every man and woman is unique (although I will attempt to flesh out what this dynamic might look like in future posts). Ultimately these roles are not about determining who plays the family breadwinner, or who wins unilateral decision-making authority. It’s so much bigger than this. It’s about believing by faith that God has a design for marriage because His desire is to project a picture in and through it - the picture of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His love for the Church (His bride).   

So what happens when a couple follows God’s order and design? One of my wife’s favorite shows is “Dancing with the Stars” and although there are many other ways I’d prefer to spend an hour, I must admit seeing each aspiring couple rise to the challenge of performing their routine in front of a live audience is exciting. But the truth is it only works when three things happen:  when the man knows how to lead, when the woman follows his lead and when both dance in rhythm to the music. When these three things come together even an old curmudgeon like myself can find something inherently beautiful in it. In the same way, when the wife supports her husband’s leadership, when the husband leads as a servant as Jesus modeled, and when both are in rhythm with God’s word and in sync with the Spirit – the world is witnessing a powerful picture of Christ and the Church and God receives glory.

Many of us vastly underestimate the power we possess in our marriage relationship to model this Gospel picture and communicate this Gospel story. I mean how much of a difference can two people make in a world that is so broken? Looking back at my own spiritual journey I realized that although I had grown up in a loving Christian home it wasn’t until I was in high school and met my youth pastor and his wife that I saw this dynamic in play. I saw the way he treated his wife and kids – humble, gentle and sacrificial in the way he led. And I saw the way she treated him – respectful and honoring in the way she trusted his leadership of the home and I was inexplicably drawn to that. I was only a young teenager and at the time I didn’t really understand what I was seeing but I knew I wanted it in my own life and in my own marriage someday [though admittedly still a work in progress]. Only now do I realize that I was actually witnessing the Gospel of Jesus Christ embodied in the union between a husband and wife – the way God intended it to be. I am convinced that this, more than anything else, is ultimately what drew me into a relationship with Christ and a saving faith.

I understand that this post can be a frustrating read for some married couples. What if my husband cannot or will not lead our home? What if my wife won’t support my leadership or is a more capable leader? What if feeling loved or respected matters little to my wife or husband?  What is this really supposed to look like in the 21^st century?

These are good questions and I won’t pretend to have all the answers. It will require great faith in God’s word – and faith that at the end of every difficult command is a promised blessing. The truth is neither role is easy. Who wants to support a leader that doesn’t lead well? Who among us are qualified to love and lead like Christ loves the Church? But by faith we obey these commands we are being “like Christ…for Christ”. He is our model and our motive – not our spouse. That said, God has given each spouse great power. Even when only one party plays his/her role, by faith, I believe it has the power to transform the heart of the other by “sanctifying them “ (Eph 5:25-26) or even “winning them over” (1Pet 3:1) to Christ.

Only with a gospel model in marriage, can we fully understand and appreciate that the biblical headship model was not just an arbitrary decision or a practical “tie-breaker” but was created to project a physical picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church, and this is most profoundly pictured when both husband and wife play their parts. When this happens God, the master story-teller, uses the marriage to re-enact the drama of the Gospel.  What a privilege to participate in the most compelling drama and redemptive story ever told. May we tell His story and may we tell it well. 

Seeing Jesus in Tangled

At the risk of turning in my man-card I confess I watched Tangled again for the umpteenth time with my kids last night. I share this because every time I watch it I see the Gospel through and through

• the redemption of a lost child 
• the resurrection of the dead 
• the restoration of a kingdom.

I love the scene when Rapunzel has her epiphany and realizes all the signs that were always around her which declares her identity, where she came from, who she is and who she belongs to.


She is from a kingdom she has never seen. She is a child of the King. She is dearly loved and missed. God has given us His Word as the ultimate declaration of His love for us. But the entire universe proclaims this truth as well. (Ps 19:1)



“God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers clouds and stars.” –Martin Luther

Canon in C (Jesus Loves Me)

Went to a Phil Keaggy/Michael Card concert recently and got inspired and put together this little song/arrangement. Merry Christmas friends!

God so loved the world you see.
He became like you and me.
Took on flesh, and blood, and bone.
That we might, so we might know.
Yes....Jesus loves me.

The Gospel Marriage: Covenant

Above is a clip from Disney Pixar's Up chronicling the marriage of Carl and Ellie. In 4 brief minutes it encapsulates a beautiful union and I doubt you will find yourself so moved by another animated short - especially one where not a single word is uttered. I am convinced that the reason why it tugs at our heart so powerfully is because we are not just seeing the enduring love shared between a husband and wife but we are also witnessing a small glimpse of God's great love towards us -- a love each and every one of us were created to receive.  

In my previous marriage posts (found HERE) I have attempted to stress that God’s central purpose for creating marriage was that it might be a picture of Christ and the Church, for our good and for His glory. I understand that this might sound nice for the “theologically-inclined” but you're probably thinking "What relevance does this have for my marriage today?" Well, in very practical terms I think one of the most profound ways in which a marriage between a man and a woman can picture Christ’s love for the Church (i.e. me as a believer) is in the way we view and honor our marriage covenant.

WHAT HOLDS A MARRIAGE TOGETHER?

When you think about weddings what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Perhaps it’s the flowers, the music, the tuxedos? Maybe it’s that dress, the procession, or the rings? But beyond all the pageantry what do you think is the most important part of that wedding day? It’s not when the father hands his daughter over to the groom. It’s not when the preacher gives a poignant sermon. It’s not even when the newlyweds kiss to seal the deal. There is really only one part of that special day that if you removed it from the program, it would no longer qualify as a wedding, and that is…..the “exchange of vows”.

This is that salient moment where the husband and wife look into each other’s eyes and while standing before family, friends and most importantly God Himself – they make a sacred promise to one another – a “covenant” in fact. It often goes something like this:

“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

What do you notice there? Not all vows are the same but what nearly all share in common is that they involve a long list of circumstances in which both parties promise to be faithful to one another despite whatever might come their way in the years ahead.  Therefore, the purpose of the wedding ceremony is not for the groom and the bride to publicly proclaim their love for one another – but rather to publicly promise their love to one another – no matter what troubles may lie ahead. 

Mike & Leslie

Some dear friends of mine, named Mike and Leslie, found their own vows tested a few years ago like they had never before imagined. Mike was struggling with a severe nerve pain that began in his esophagus and subsequently spread all over his body – a pain so great that it debilitated him physically, mentally and emotionally. He was forced to go on indefinite medical leave from his job as a partner at a law firm, and his condition only worsened over time. Perhaps the greatest challenge in all of this was that despite having seen numerous doctors, psychiatrists, and pastors, no one was able to diagnose and treat the problem let alone find a cure. There he found himself spiraling into a vortex of hopelessness and depression.

This is one of the strongest Christian couples I know, but they will be the first to tell you that Mike’s condition had pushed the very limits of what they thought their marriage could endure. On their anniversary, Leslie confessed her struggle in a very public and powerful way on a blog post she wrote entitled “8 Years Ago Today”. In it she recalled her wedding day and portions of her vow to him and reflected upon them in the midst of their darkest trial. I can’t say it better than her so I have reprinted it below with their permission:

“I, Leslie, take you, Mike, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward…”

Today is our anniversary. I remember so many things about that day. It was truly meaningful and a ton of fun for me. I remember saying my vows and having my voice go two octaves higher as I lost control and sobbed through them. I felt so blessed to have found such a good guy; he was my diamond in the rough….our new life together was filled with adventure and the promise of good things to come.

 ”…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…”

And good things came. Mike had a super job lined up. We moved to the great city of Chicago. We became part of a diverse, mission-minded church that has become family to us. We had two adorable boys who light up our lives every single day. We have become a part of a neighborhood and school community full of wonderful people and friends. Life could not get any better.

 “…in sickness and in health…”

You know where we are now. Mike continues to have pain, no specific causal diagnosis, no signs of improvement. The longer this goes on, the more he feels cursed. The longer this goes on, the deeper he slips into darkness. I think I can handle his physical ailments. I think I can handle the uncertain future and whatever changes may have to come however drastic. I think I can even handle some anxiety and sadness. But dealing with the growing darkness that has consumed him so that he has almost become a different person altogether makes me miss the man I married 8 years ago. It is hard. And I am failing in so many ways when it comes to loving him as I should. But like him, I am trying. We are both trying so hard even if it seems impossible for him to hope and see beyond himself and impossible for me to be encouraging and patient.

“…to love and to cherish, ’till death do us part. I pledge you my faithfulness.”

In times of testing, words are not just words. They go beyond formality, way beyond lip service. I think of these vows spoken 8 years ago in a different time and a different place. Whether on the mountain top or in the deep valley, I still mean them. Now I know that I really do because I can say them here in the barren wilderness. I still live and swear by them. Michael, YOU CANNOT GET RID OF ME. We are in this war together and I will fight with you till the end, love of my still very blessed life.

What a powerful model and testimony of the very purpose of the marriage covenant! As they were faithful to their vows God proved faithful to them and I’m happy to say that they are doing well and their marriage has never been stronger.  In moments like these, we come to realize why the covenant is so important – they serve as the very glue in holding the marriage union together.  It is here that you realize that you are not holding the promise you made on that day, but rather the promise is holding you. And contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe, LOVE is not the bond that holds the relationship together - rather the COVENANT is. Mike Mason articulates the power of these vows so well in his book, “The Mystery of Marriage”:

The impact of love may be felt as an exclamation mark, but vows ask a question. “How bright is the sun!” exclaims love, while the vow asks, “How dark a night are you prepared to pass through?” Marriages which are dependent on good feelings fall apart, or at best are in for a stormy time of it. But marriages which consistently look back into their vows, to those wild promises made before God, and which trust Him to make sense out of them, find a continual source of strength and renewal.” (Mason 117)

But while vows look back for strength to endure difficult seasons in a marriage, when they are first made and consecrated on the wedding day they are looking forward as they are promises for an unknown future. And so vows are predicated on FAITH because they place trust in a promise yet to be fulfilled in the future. I believe this is why when a husband or wife violates their vows it is described as being “unfaithful” or “infidelity”. Even the world recognizes that faith is at the very center of this sacred promise.

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?

Well, if, as Paul says, the marriage union between a husband and wife was designed by God to profoundly picture to the world the gospel (Eph 5:32) which is the relationship between Christ and the Church (i.e.”me”), then what can we learn about the gospel in regards to these covenant vows and how should it affect my marriage?

If you read through the Bible you will quickly realize that God loves making promises to His people and God loves keeping His promises to His people.  But despite all his covenants to Noah, Abraham, Moses, David and others, I think the greatest covenant He made was to us (the Church).  It is the new covenant which was prophesied by Jeremiah (Jer 31:31-34) that not only fulfills but supercedes the old covenant. In fact in Romans Paul describes the unbreakable love found in this new covenant that Jesus has vowed to those who come to him by faith:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ….for I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  –Romans 8:35,38-39

Do you notice anything here? In many ways these verses read just like a traditional wedding vow however it goes above and beyond any wedding vow I’ve ever seen, because it promises a faithful love that goes beyond the physical (“neither height nor depth”), beyond the metaphysical (“neither angels nor rulers”), beyond even the dimension of time (“nor things present nor things to come”). Where marriage vows promise "til death do us part" Jesus' vow goes beyond even death itself (“neither death nor life”) – these are all promises no earthly marriage would dare fathom. God is communicating one truth here: nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, can separate us from the love of Jesus – this is His covenant promise of love to us and it need only be received by faith. 

So in much the same way that a man pursues the woman that he loves for marriage, Jesus, as the bridegroom, initiates his love relationship with us - a love relationship that was broken by our sin. He professes his unconditional love for us and proposes an eternal union with us – his bride – which is the Church. And in the same way that a husband and wife make vows to one another on their wedding day, he has made a solemn covenantal promise to love us without conditions and without end.

 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5b

…and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” -Matthew 28:20b

Therefore as a married couple, you will never project a more powerful picture of the covenant love found in the gospel than when you hold on to your vows even in the midst of great marital hardship especially when your spouse doesn't deserve it. 

Why? Because you are modeling to a watching world the faithful and enduring covenant love God has for you when you didn't deserve it. Ray Ortlund writes, “It is the heavenly marriage that warrants and dignifies an earthly marriage. In Paul’s reasoning, therefore, human marriage is not the reality for which Christ and the church provide a sermonic illustration, but the reverse. Human marriage is the earthly type, pointing towards the spiritual reality.”

Let me tie this back to the video that opened this post. The reason we are so moved by Carl and Ellie in the movie "Up" is because we are bearing witness to a love that is faithful to a covenant. A love that has endured through both good times and bad. A love that holds true to a promise made many years ago. In fact, the entire movie is essentially about Carl's quest to fulfill his promise to Ellie of taking their house to Paradise Falls - against near impossible odds - just as he promised her as a child. 

What a profound picture of Jesus' covenant love towards us! His is a love not dependent upon our performance but upon His promise. His is a love that found victory against impossible odds. His is a love that endures until the end. This supernatural love and sacred covenant should serve as both the model and the motive for our own marriages. 

May our earthly marriages be a faithful picture of our divine union with Him. 

For His glory and for our good.

Peter & Kim

My next post on The Gospel Marriage will likely be a "touchy" one. I will attempt to show how the biblical model of "male headship" as designed by God in marriage was meant to be a powerful picture of the gospel. Yes...I am going where "angels fear to tread". =) Pray for me, stay tuned and thanks for reading....