When You Want to Punch a Christian in the Face

"Don't Worry God Won't Give You More Than You Can Handle!" -Joe Christian

*pfffffftttt* Whatevers.

How many times have you heard that line from a well-meaning Christian friend in one of your lowest moments and you couldn't think of anything that would be more cathartic than punching him/her in the face?

Ran across this great blog post recently confronting this statement and found it surprisingly refreshing: "Confronting the Lie: God Won't Give You More than You Can Handle".

I think there are plenty of times that God will give you more than you can handle.

Way more.

I felt it in the touch and go moments of Kim's cancer. I felt it in the darkest moments of stress, anxiety and depression. I've felt it way more than I'd like to admit. Yes, there are times when I feel like Paul when he says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13) but there are more times when I resonate with Paul when he writes:

"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death... -2 Cor 1:8

Sometimes God WILL give you more than you can bear..."far beyond your ability to endure" and to the point where you "despair of life itself"...

Seeing Jesus at Disney World (Urgent Prayer Request)

Guess where we are?

Thanks to all of you who left encouraging comments on my last Beauty & the Beast chapter. All of them were great but this one really stuck out: "You must continue for the revenge of the nerds!"  How can I say "no" to the primal scream of a fellow nerd? I also found additional inspiration at a show I saw yesterday. 

Can you guess where we are? That's right - the "happiest place on earth" - Disney World! (By the way, for being the "happiest place on earth" there sure a lot of grumpy kids around here!) Anyways, watching "Beauty & the Beast" again at Hollywood Studios reminded me of why I started this series in the first place. So the final chapter will be coming soon - and I don't think you'll be disappointed. =)

Okay, there's another more important reason why I'm mentioning why I'm in Orlando right now. I don't typically like to publicly announce when I'm out of town (we'll be home very soon) but I've just got to share this "God story" and make an important prayer request.

Back around November of last year (about 2 months before the cancer hit) we had planned a family vacation to Disney World for mid-April. Everything was booked but obviously after the cancer hit in January - the kids not only had to deal with the fact that mom was very sick, but I also had to tell them we could not go to Disney World any longer. Kim's chemo treatments were going to extend through May and with me taking unpaid leave through August (which my company graciously agreed to) it probably wasn't financially prudent to re-schedule it either. 

Well, as many of you know not only have we asked you to pray for Kim - but for our two young friends Andrew and Connor who both desperately needed bone marrow transplants. We did not even know who Connor was until a few weeks after Kim's diagnosis and we used this blog to tell his story and get people to register and got to meet him and his family shortly thereafter. 

Well, as many of you know by the grace of God and after 5+ years of searching Connor found a match in early March. A few days after the awesome news I get an email from Connor's mom Steph telling us that they had booked a timeshare in Orlando in early June:

...since we will be in BMT [bone marrow transplant] and we either have to use it or lose it.  We would love it if you and your family could use the time share....It is Connor's absolute favorite place in the world....I hope you will think about it and we really hope that you will be able to go.  It would make us happy to picture you and your family there in June. We could help arrange the entire trip for you as well.  I can make all the arrangements - I love doing that stuff.  

When I got this email my jaw dropped to the floor. We had only met Connor's parents a few weeks earlier and they were kind enough to think of us and make such a generous gift along with covering all our Disney Park tickets! The funny thing is Steph knew nothing about my previous cancellation of our April trip (due to chemo) and here she was offering this to us in June  - which just happened to be the exact month doctors permitted Kim to begin traveling. I literally felt like Job. God was restoring everything we had lost before the cancer and more!

I know Steph is going to hate me for putting all this out on the blog and originally I had no intention of doing this but I'm sharing all this now for ONE reason. Connor needs your prayer. It's been over 25 days since his bone marrow transplant and it does not look like the grafting process has even begun yet which has the doctors concerned. They will be getting test results later today (Tues) to see whether the donor cells are grafting and so this is a pivotal juncture for Connor and family. Please go to his blog HERE for more specifics and please bless them as they have blessed us. And as always, please lift up Andrew who is still in ICU along with others in the Prayer Requests tab HERE - but today especially I am asking for special prayers for Connor. Thanks so much everyone. 

In His Grace,

Peter & Kim

Special Prayer Request for Andrew

CALLING ALL PRAYER WARRIORS: JOE HAS REQUESTED URGENT PRAYER FOR ANDREW AS HE HAS BEEN MOVED TO THE ICU DUE TO PNEUMONIA AND KIDNEY AND LIVER ISSUES. PLEASE LIFT HIM UP TODAY IF YOU CAN. SEE MORE DETAILS BELOW. THANK YOU!

I've included the other prayer requests from the "Prayer Requests" tab in case you missed it and wish to minister to others that have communicated some special prayer requests. Thanks. 
Prayers for Andrew Bone Marrow Grafting

UPDATE FROM JOE: Andrew's stem cells from the bone marrow transplant on May 16th are beginning to graft however, he has been very ill and now has pneumonia. Andrew has been moved to ICU for trouble breathing and his kidney and liver functions going into dangerous levels.Please pray the liquids retaining in his body, get released through the drugs. If not, it's dialysis. The biggest concern is a condition called  Hepatic veno-occlusive disease or veno-occlusive disease (VOD) is a condition in which some of the small veins in the liver are obstructed. It is a complication of high-dose chemotherapy given before a bone marrow transplant (BMT) and is marked by weight gain due to fluid retention, increased liver size, and raised levels of bilirubin in the blood. He does have a degree of it. And it can be fatal. We have been approved for an experimental drug to alleviate it. The next 24 to 36 hours are crucial! Please Pray! More details can be found in Joe's blog HERE. 

 Prayers for Connor's Bone Marrow Grafting

The last couple of days have been especially emotionally difficult for us.  All the effects of chemo have really started to take a toll on Connor's body and I think he is just physically worn down.  His hair started falling out in clumps and we had to shave his head, his platelets were extremely low so he had some minor bruising and red dots all over his body (petechiae) and mucositis.  The mucositis, big red and purple swollen bumps on both sides of his cheeks) is causing him pain and we are really hoping that it won't affect his appetite (he is not eating nearly enough). Connor  has endured it all well up until Wednesday night when he just couldn't take it anymore. More details can be found in his mother Steph's blog HERE. 

Seeing Jesus in the Power of Prayer

Kids 1st hospital visit - Mon, Jan 9th

SPECIAL REQUEST: I haven't done this in a while, but I'm asking you to read through this entire post and am humbly asking you to consider doing something very specific for us if the Lord so moves your heart. Thanks. 
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One of the most amazing things we have seen in our battle with cancer is the way God works through and answers prayer to accomplish His sovereign will. I have never been a bigger believer in the power of prayer than I am now. Let me share with you one example of what I mean.

When I took Kim to the ER late Friday evening on January 6th it was near midnight and the kids were already in bed and she ended up staying in the hospital for 11 nights straight. The kids were a bit traumatized when they awoke on Saturday morning realizing that mom had disappeared in the middle of the night and they were very eager to see her again but I kept having to break my promises to them and repeatedly pushed off their planned hospital visits because things kept going from bad to worse. Well, the kids finally got to see mom the following Monday night and I wrote a post on January 13th about an amazing way God spoke to us through His Word (an excerpt from that post is pasted below but you can see the full post HERE).

On Tuesday night (Jan 12th), I was reading our Children's Bible with the kids before putting them to bed. We've been reading through it in order and we just happened to be on the story of Lazarus. It was perfect because the kids had just seen mommy the night before and they wanted mommy home and wanted God to heal her now. But if you remember the story, Jesus kind of drags his feet and waits 4 days after Lazarus dies before he finally arrives in town even though he was earnestly beckoned by Lazarus' sisters Mary and Martha. It was a perfect word for them - we talked about how God may come later than we may like, but He always comes on time. Well, the very next morning, a friend shot Kim and me this email:

" This verse has been coming to my mind as I have been praying and I wanted to share it with you. John 11:40 "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" We will continue to pray for a miracle and that the Lord will be your strength so that your faith will not fail!"

This verse comes straight from the exact same story I read with the kids the night before - Jesus and Lazarus in John 11. I felt a great peace at that moment that even if our healing may come later than we may like, I know it will come in His perfect time.

Kim's Cancer-Kicking SURPRISE Party

So last Saturday night we did it! We surprised Kim with a special party at Harvest Bible Chapel (Rolling Meadows) which included about 200 close friends and family and it was PERFECT. I thought she was on to me because I'm a horrible liar and left some inadvertent clues the last few weeks, but it turns out she had NO idea. Here is the video of her surprise entrance:
So a few weeks after we found out about our remission, I wanted to do something special for everyone (at least locally) that had been kind enough to serve us by feeding us, caring for us, sharing their own stories and verses from their respective trials with us, and faithfully praying for us in the midst of the greatest trial of our lives. What better way to do this than throw a big party? But most of all, I wanted the night to be about thanking the Lord, who ultimately healed my wife and who gave us life and gave His life - making all this possible. Thank you Jesus! I also sang a very special song that night after dinner, that I thought I'd share with you.
That wasn't it though. We got to see the Lord's faithfulness (and some funny moments) by walking through a slideshow history of Kim's life and we also got to hear some powerful testimonies from others about how God had used our cancer trial to move in their hearts and allowed them to "see more of Jesus". We ended everything with a video chronicling our journey (see below) and a great time of worship. A special thanks to everyone involved and all glory to God!

I'll try to get more video up on the blog soon - especially of the testimonies. There are so many of you out there that we wish could have joined us, and so these clips are my best attempt at doing that. We love you and thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.

In His Grace,

Peter & Kim

Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! Sing to Him. Sing praise to Him. Tell of all His wondrous works." -Psalm 105:1-2

Prayers Needed....

KIM UPDATE: Kim is doing well right now. Round 5 resulted in lot of "hot flashes" and intense body aches from the Neulasta shot but the worst appears to be over and we are gearing up for our last and final round next week. 

PRAYER REQUESTS: If you would be kind enough to lift up a prayer for a beautiful  young lady named Brooke, who is the daughter of some friends of ours - we would be so grateful. I can't share much but she is in dire straits right now and needs a miracle and would appreciate any prayers you might offer up for her and her family. Also, please continue to lift up Andrew and Connor and their families as they undergo difficult preparations for their bone marrow transplants in mid-May. But what an answer to prayer finding matches were! Praise the Lord! Someone sent me a link to this article from the Chicago Tribune today which profiled Connor. Please read this moving story if you have a moment. Thanks. 
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[taken from the Chicago Tribune, Wed, 4/18/12]

Since their son Connor Lim was born, Stephanie Park and Steven Lim have been on countless trips to doctors and hospitals dealing with lung infections, dozens of ear infections and constant sickness. It wasn’t until he was 3-years-old that Connor was diagnosed with X-linked immunodeficiency with hyper–immunoglobulin M — a rare immunodeficiency that makes it hard for the body to fight off infection.

Connor, now 7, is being treated, but the only true cure comes through a bone marrow transplant. But finding a donor has proved nearly impossible. After four years and about 2,200 donors, they have only found one match. “It’s just been a rollercoaster,” Park said. “We actually had a match in December of last year. We were elated and then she backed out.” They don’t know why their donor had a change of heart, but it was devastating for the family....[see full article HERE].

In His Grace,

Peter & Kim

Seeing Jesus in Everything (e.g. Laminin)

ANDREW UPDATE: Just when you think God cannot possibly out-do Himself. Guess what He does? He out does Himself...AGAIN!! So, I was sitting down eating a late dinner tonight with Kim's younger sister, Christina, (with Caleb) and sharing with her all the great things the Lord was doing lately when I get a text on my blackberry at 8:02 pm. It's from Joe Park and all it says is: "Found a match bro!" I stopped everything, paused and the tears began to flow. God is so good. I asked Joe if it was an 8 of 8 match and he said "No, 6 of 8 but a high resolution match. Before chromosomal abnormality cleared not a possibility, but now it is. He's healthy so they don't want to wait." Had Andrew's chromosomal defect not miraculously cleared 9 days ago he would not be eligible for this match. The chromosomal defect cleared the day after Connor found out he had finally found a match after 5 years of searching (read about that incredible weekend just a week and a half ago HERE). Now it appears that they will both be getting their bone marrow transplants literally within one day of each other in mid-May. Are you kidding me? Still much to pray for but prayer warriors please continue to intercede for these two precious boys and their families! Please read Joe's most recent blog update HERE for the latest news and prayer requests and remember to lift up Connor as well!

KIM UPDATE: Kim will likely be discharged tomorrow afternoon and will have her spinal tap on Thursday along with the Neulasta shot. She is in good spirits and doing well outside of a few fainting scares. Please pray that it goes better this time around. Last round it gave her massive spinal tap headaches and we were forced to do a blood patch that sent her to the E.R. Thanks everyone! God is hearing your prayers!
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Seeing Jesus in Everything (e.g. Laminin)

Well, a few days ago I explained why I ended up naming a blog about my wife's cancer "Seeing Jesus in Everything". In keeping with the theme I wanted to share a brief video below. I actually watched Louie Giglio give this talk at a Chris Tomlin concert about 4-5 years ago but I was able to find it on YouTube to share with you. Some of you may have already seen this but I think it's a perfect example of "seeing Jesus in everything" and after you watch it, it will be hard to read the verses below in the same way again (watch the whole thing - you won't regret it): 

For by him [Jesus] all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.  -Colossians 1:16-17

In His Grace,

Peter & Kim

Answered Prayers

KIM UPDATE: Kim is doing great this week and is recovering from all the trauma of the spinal tap and blood patch. We begin Round 4 on Thursday!

God has been so gracious in answering so many prayers lately but today we were reminded of a BIG answer to prayer we made exactly four years ago. After two rambunctious boys we were ready to call it quits but the Lord had different plans. I'm a big planner but Kim convinced me to let baby #3 be a "surprise". So everyone in the family (plus a few friends) prayed that the Lord would give us a girl and for nearly 9 months only God (and the ultrasound technician) knew if our prayers were answered. Below is the video I released on March 13, 2008 announcing to all our friends the birth (and gender!) of baby #3. As you know, we finally got our little princess and our lives have never been the same. That said, she ain't at all afraid to punch you in the mouth (just ask C or T), so keep your distance boys, and consider yourselves warned.


Thank you Lord!

In His Grace,
Peter & Kim

INCREDIBLE WEEKEND!

Well, I don't know how to say this except to say God is good. He's so good! And I'm not just talking about the spectacular weekend weather we just enjoyed in Chicago. I know so many of you have been praying for Andrew Park and his family as well as Connor Lim (see their stories HERE) and became aware of their stories through Kim's cancer.

the Park family

Kim and I have known Andrew since he was a young boy because Kim was his pastor when she was the Sunday School Director at Calvary. It's hard to believe that he is 17 years old now! He was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia literally the day after Kim was officially diagnosed with lymphoma in early January. Our trials have been inextricably linked from day one, and we both firmly believe that this happened so that we could both encourage and pray for one another as we walked through this trial hand in hand.

the Lim family

We became aware of our 7 year-old friend Connor, in late January (a few weeks after Kim's diagnosis), through one of my sister's good friends who is his aunt. Connor was born with an extremely rare cancer called "X-linked Hyper IGM" which results in a devastating immuno-deficiency that he needs monthly treatments for, in order to buy time. It turns out that his family only lives 10 minutes from us and so we were able to swing by after a doctor's visit and spent a couple hours meeting and talking with his parents. They have been searching for approximately 6 years for a match for Connor and they finally found one in Japan late last year. It was about to be the best Christmas present ever but the donor backed out at the last second. Obviously, they were all devastated. Especially considering how long it took to find a match..

As such, both of these children and their families have become near and dear to us and I have some incredible news to share with you...

Moments of Grace

"All moments are key moments and life itself is grace." -Frederick Beuchner (HT: Dawn H.) 

Yesterday temperatures soared to nearly 70 degrees. This is very unusual in early March for people who live in Chicago. Although Kim is still feeling physically weak and is neutropenic getting outside is okay as long as there aren't lots of people around. So we found a secluded park near our home and had some unscheduled "family time". 

When you realize that a new day is never promised to you  - you quickly learn to savor the small moments each day has to offer. The little things you used to take for granted become big gifts from God....

The presence of sunshine. 

The absence of pain. 

The laughter of children. 

The breeze on your face. 

All gifts of grace from the Giver of every good and perfect gift. (James 1:17)

“Nothing Happens by Accident. I am Sovereign!”

I know there were many of you who got the news around 9-10pm last night to pray for Kim because we were headed to the E.R. with little else to go on, and by faith you got on your knees and "stormed the gates of heaven". Thank you. God heard your prayers and Kim is doing great. She is back home, her headache is completely gone and although tired and still with some minor back pain she looks 100% better. So you're probably wondering what happened last night? Here it is...

First it was Rituxan. Now apparently, our favorite drug is Methotrexate. Specifically methotrexate injected via spinal tap. This drug was started in Round 3 of Kim’s chemotherapy to keep the cancer from attacking her central nervous system, and brain. The injection in her spinal cord was done 8 days ago and triggered massive headaches every time she tried to sit up and forced her to be bedridden since - keeping her head flat was the only way to find relief. Nothing else worked – not I.V. fluids, not caffeine, not heavy pain meds. They told us it’s basically like having your worst hangover x 100. Usually after 48 hours the fluid leak around the spinal cord from the lumbar puncture resolves itself and people feel much better, but we’ve found that Kim is always in the top 5%. Meaning she’s always in that elite group of people in which doctors say, “That’s strange. We only see that happen in about 5% of patients”. What can I say? I married a special woman.

getting ready for her 1st blood patch

So all this forced us to try a blood patch yesterday night. The blood patch procedure went well, her headache improved immediately. However, the blood patch is injected into the lower back as well and its purpose is to clot any holes in the spinal cord which are leaking. The downside is that, per the doctor, it can feel like someone took a baseball bat to your lower back. But we figured "temporary baseball bat to back" < "perpetual hangover headaches".

So we went in at 3:30pm to get the blood patch. I had to set up a bed for Kim in the back of the mini-van because the day before when I drove her to the doctor’s the nausea and headaches from sitting upright (even leaning back) were too much. The procedure started around 5:30pm and she was done by 6:00pm. After resting for a while we picked up Timothy and Selah from our friend Jill’s place and headed home. (Caleb was at basketball practice with our friend Gerald and their son). Although Kim could hardly feel her back we were all in good spirits. The headaches were gone!

Beauty & the Beast: Answered Prayer (Chapter 3)

KIM UPDATE: I'm sitting in Kim's room at U of Chicago and she's getting a methotrexate injection via spinal tap (like an epidural) any minute now. This is the first time she's getting it and she needs to lie perfectly still for 4 hours to avoid getting severe headaches. This is not a fun one. That said, she's been taking the Rituxan since last night and doing great. Thank you Lord! Please continue to pray with us. Thank you!

BONE MARROW UPDATE:
As most of you know by now, by the grace of God, Andrew Park is, at the moment, CANCER FREE! This is a minor miracle in itself and surprised even the world-class oncologists involved. (See Joe's blog HERE to get the latest update and prayer requests.) He will continue to undergo chemo to keep the cancer at bay and in the meantime he and his family are  nowdesperately looking for a bone marrow match. If you are in the Chicagoland area please note that there will be a drive at Canaan Presbyterian Church (1424 Greenwood Ave, Glenview, IL) this Sunday, Feb 26th from 6-8pm and another at Univ of Illinois Circle Campus (UIC) on the First Floor of Student Center East outside of the bookstore at 750 S. Halsted St. Chicago, IL on Tues and Wed, March 6 & 7 from 9am-4pm. (UIC students please get the word out!).

Prayer Request & Bone Marrow Update

KIM UPDATE

As I mentioned before the last couple nights were tough. Kim has to take a shot after every chemo round called Nuelasta which is a drug that allows her white blood cell count to rebound quicker - making her less vulnerable to infection. However, this drug has some nasty side effects including something they call "bone soreness" which makes you feel like you've literally been hit by a truck. This soreness is so bad that Kim will not let me touch her because she is so sensitive from the pain and she has been tossing and turning at night, moaning. I feel helpless and it's so humbling. I'd give her some Tylenol PM but it does very little. That said, I ran across this verse this morning and it really spoke to me:

"You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" -Psalm 56:8

Wow. The Lord actually counts the number of times we toss in our restless sleep and He collects each tear into His bottle and He records them all in His book. He is not ignorant of one aiota of our suffering - He knows it all. I am understanding how God resolves the Problem of Pain (see HERE) but I was reminded of this again in a powerful way. I wonder what He is planning on doing with this record? Will He reveal it to us in Heaven one day so we might stand in wonder of the stark contrast from grief to joy? From pain to pleasure? From suffering to ecstasy? I wonder...

Bone Marrow Going Global!

I don't want this important issue to get lost in Kim's health updates and my silly polls. If you're just becoming aware of this issue - please click HERE for the 411.  If you are in the Evanston, IL or Northern VA area please see UPDATE in RED below!)

I can't even begin to describe all the wonderful things that have been happening on the bone marrow front. Special thanks to all of you that have taken the personal step of registering! This small step could save a life!

For those that have chosen to go even further and pick up a weapon and join the fight in a bigger way the events that have transpired over the last couple weeks have been breath-taking and inspiring. A few examples:

- My good friend David (along with several friends from Calvary) ran a great drive at Calvary a couple Sundays ago and got over 200 registrants in ~3 hours work. Great job! Not only that they are working with other leaders in Chicago. I also know they were involved with a drive in Hinsdale (last Sunday) and drives in Evanston and Naperville are being set up as we speak!  They've also contacted family in Baltimore who has committed to helping set up a drive at their several thousand member Korean church. Drives in Tampa, FL and the West Coast are in the works as well.

Seein Jesus in Cancer

summer 2009 reunion

About 2.5 years ago I wrote a note about my high school youth pastor, Kevin, on Facebook called "Thankful". In His goodness, the Lord brought him into my life at the perfect time. To be perfectly honest, I was in 8th grade, had moved to a new school, and was an insecure, prepubescent, scared young boy who, quite frankly, struggled with suicidal thoughts. The note is re-posted below:

Thankful  - posted August 20, 2009

If you ever get the chance to go back and thank someone for blessing your life - do it! Call them. Write them. Pray for them. No matter how much time has passed - do something! It's such a blessing for everyone involved. A few months ago I felt this urge to write a letter to my old youth pastor, Kevin S, so i could share with him the enormous blessing and impact he was to me at a very pivotal point in my life. Growing up in a Korean church I'm sure any kid would have loved to have a 6'4" former college QB as a youth pastor, but much more than being athletic and funny - it was the love he demonstrated with his gentle rebukes, his meeting us before school for Bible Study twice a week, his attending our high school games (to watch me get pinned while wrestling) all while holding numerous part-time jobs, attending seminary and raising three well-mannered kids (now totaling six!). This taught me more about the love of Christ than a thousand sermons.

Praise & Urgent Action Requested!

If you were amazed by yesterday's story about getting fast-tracked by Dr. Sonali Smith's office after making a few phone calls...buckle your seat belts and read this....

While still basking in the glow of getting a world-renowned oncologist's immediate attention we received an email from Naree, one of Kim's newest friends, yesterday. To provide some context, Naree is a very recent friend of ours whom Kim literally just met this past fall as our boys and her two children were in the same tennis class. The two of them hit it off (who doesn't hit it off with Kim?) and enjoyed spending time talking to one another as they waited every week for their tennis lessons to finish. Read Naree's email pasted below (with her permission):

Praise & Prayer

PRAISE TO SHARE
I'm so thankful that we have so many dear friends in the medical field. I have received many of your calls, messages and emails with helpful advice, suggestions, etc (even though I have not had the time to respond to them all) and I know some of my "oncology for dummies" posts are probably alarming to you because I leave out a lot of information and interpret the field through the lens of my 10th grade grade biology class (which I nearly failed). But rest assured - we are getting a second opinion - as I have always intended. Overall, we have been happy with our current care and team of doctors but this is not an uncommon practice and we are just covering all our bases. The hospital does not release medical records until 48 hours after discharge and I wanted to get Kim's first treatment of chemo in asap since the cancer was spreading so rapidly - so that was basically the hold-up.

Dr. Sonali Smith

We are so blessed to live in a city where a number of world-class research clinics/hospitals in the world are located (especially U of C and Northwestern). When I was creating a shortlist of lymphoma experts to reach out to there was one name that kept coming up - Dr. Sonali Smith at U of Chicago. She is doing some cutting edge work on lymphoma - just google her name and you will see how legendary she is.

Blessings and Curses

KIM UPDATE
Praise God, despite the severe infusion reaction last Friday the oncologist felt that Kim got enough Rituxan to be effective in her treatment and so we won't be encountering that drug again until the next cycle - in about 3 weeks. This was a pleasant surprise to us. Please continue to pray that Kim would be able to receive the Rituxan drug going forward.

Sign our children made for mom's homecoming

The doctors told us yesterday since Kim had made such great progress over the weekend she would be discharged today pending some final tests. We packed up our bags, Kim got changed and we were so ready to leave when, one of the final tests required before leaving (an echocardiogram) came back showing some significant fluid build-up around the heart again. It's somewhat of a mystery since a pericardial window was put in but the cardiologist (who felt sick telling us the bad news) thinks there may be an obstruction there. We were readying ourselves for yet another surgery, plus another few days in the hospital with a chest tube, but God has heard your cries, and later when the thoracic surgeon came by he felt we should just monitor the situation and make sure we return for another echocardiogram on Friday and let us go home! Yes!! Please pray that this fluid buildup around the heart would dissipate by Friday so that no further surgery or hospital stay is needed. 

Dark Night of the Soul

Please don't feel obligated to read these long-winded posts. If you're only interested in praying I've put all the prayer requests in bold so you can quickly identify them and lift them up. By the way, everything in the post below is true. If I didn't live it - I honestly would have never believed it.

I know so many of you are wondering how the first dose of chemo went. I'm struggling for words but I'll start with NIGHTMARE.

After yesterday, the "20 Minutes of Hell" has now been re-named the "20 Minute Walk in the Park". Yesterday was hell. There is no other way I can describe it. However, this time it wasn't for 20 minutes in a car, but for a good 2 hours in the hospital. Kim began her initial chemotherapy treatment with Rituxan (the first medication "R" in "R-CHOP") around 1:30pm yesterday. This med is crucial because it specifically targets the cancerous lymph nodes and everything was going beautifully....until about 90 minutes into it. First came severe nausea and vomiting convulsions. This struggle lasted for about 10 minutes. Then upon leaning forward to dry-vomit, she sat up and her face was ashen-white - her eyes then rolled up towards her forehead and she fell backwards on her bed. It all seemed to be in slow motion to me. I caught her head with my hand and yelled to the two nurses, "We're losing her!" One of them turned and yelled "Code blue!", slapped the emergency button and within 30 seconds there were about 15 people running around the room.

Throughout all of this I'm holding Kim's head saying, "Keep your eyes on me, baby! Keep your eyes on me! Everything's going to be fine!" over and over. She was clearly disoriented and her eyes were glassy. She then said softly, "Why are there so many people in the room?" I don't even now how I was able to get any words out. My heart was so heavy - it had fallen to the very pit of my stomach and I couldn't breathe. A few minutes later she had another bout of severe nausea, followed by chest pain and then a wrenching back pain. They immediately wheeled in a number of large machines and ran a series of tests all the while her vitals were touch and go. The pain grew to such an excruciating level that her head was wobbling and she was simultaneously pushing me away while crying out "Help!".

Look Out Cancer...Here We Come!

Please read to bottom and see one small request from us. Thank you for loving on us and for your prayers! 

HEALTH UPDATE
We were praying for a definitive answer and now we have one. As the doctors suspected all along, it's cancer - specifically "Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma".  This would explain all the other problems. The fluid building around Kim's heart. The large ulcer in her stomach. The chronic coughing. All due to this cancer. We are starting an aggressive chemotherapy (R-CHOP) this afternoon. It's considered to be in Stage IV because their are masses on the stomach and pancreas but this is still a very treatable cancer. When the oncologist sat down and gave us the news yesterday he said the cure rate is probably 50-70%. The nurse then came in to basically console Kim but to be honest between the three of us - she was the only one crying.

Please pray that the cancer would respond quickly and completely to the treatment. These next few weeks are crucial because it will quickly determine whether the treatment is working, and when the cancer cells are destroyed they release toxins into the body which creates other potential problems. There is also the risk of infection since Kim's white blood cell count will be low after her sessions - not to mention nausea and fatigue.

Thanksgiving 2011

Please pray that she would be protected from any infections or complications to the treatment. The chemotherapy will be done in 6 sessions separated every 3 weeks - assuming her body responds to it. So the next four months there will be ups and downs, and so while I know so many of you are eager to see her and talk to her when she leaves the hospital, I'm still going to have to play "bad cop", "gatekeeper", "that jerk for a husband" - whatever you want to call it and put limits on Kim catching up with 3,000 of her closest friends while she's in treatment. She should be more available than she is now but if you have 50 well-meaning friends visiting a week I doubt Kim will be able to focus on getting better. I'm sure you all get it.